The search for balance

Since the last blog, I gave up my armed shifts. I have to prove my compliance with the courts, which now includes a cut in pay. Granted, not all my shifts are armed, it's still a cut.

I went out Thurs nite, a first for this year. It was a little crazy, I don't think I was the only one who felt like an oldy. Next time I might suggest a game night, to accomodate the early-wakers. Man, do I sound lame.

It's 6:30 in the morning. Friday's are so long. I got to help someone out today, I like to help.

I loathe foreseen stress. Some things could be so much easier without the interference of self-righteousness.

I wondered about a view of religion during this shift. The idea that religion is a crutch, a tool for those with weak minds. I believe this can be true. I believe faith can be a source of strength, but weak or strong minded, everyone finds support and strength in outside sources. Saying that someone who has faith is weakminded, is an opposition to 'strength in belief'. If something enables strength of mind, then does it matter what the cause or more so the outcome? The passion of anti-religious folk intrigues me. The Church of Anti-Faith.

I should maybe try and get more followers for my blog if I'm gonna keep this thing up. This is good diary-style therapy and all, but now that the assignment is over...

Time is the master

Lately I've felt like my sense of time is lost. Right now I'm in my 10th hour of work and it's 5:30 in the morning. This shift is long and uneventful. After I wake up tomarrow, the day will fly past me. No doubt, It will be time to go to bed and I will feel as though I still need to do something else. I've been feeling as though some responsibility has not been met. There are unresolved issues in my life right now, and they cloud my brain. If they didn't, then I would have some kind of problem. I have Faith, that balance will come. . . . . ....... I need to get ahead in my online class. .. Worked on that some tonite. ... . Need to reduce pork barrel spending. . . . These are birds among the clouds, that fog my skull.

There's things I want for myself. I always try to keep the concept of Karma in mind (minus any spiritual connotation) and a strong conscience makes that easy to do. Part of the problem I see with views on The church, is preconceptions towards moral indemnification. A pre-disposition is set that anyone from outside whatever set of beliefs is below par out of the gate. At man's fault this happens, and the indemnification should come from within, not out of pressure. Back on track though(and back from patrol), I try to keep the 'do unto others' mindset. Today will be a follow through.

Almost 7 now. I wonder if it's possible to get dizzy from the earth's rotation. I'm ready for today. I wish I could not nap, without feeling like a piece of poo later. I think I've only done it one other time, I don't remember what it was that kept me from napping, it had to have been something good though. I didn't periodically doze off today, for 10 minutes at a time as I usually do. The third wind is in effect. For full effect, I'm gonna have to eat a good breakfast, run and then bathe. I think I just convinced myself. Hell, I drag ass after the naps for a good hour or more anyway. I need papertowels, and cheese, and a new dog leash, and tortillas.