Now

Havnt touched this site in a while. But the possibility of a Butt soap purchase has brought me back. Oh the weirdness thats occurred since I was on here last, I could probly write 5 pages. I don't want to though. I'll sum it up though; Hunter, Derby, School and Baby Mama drama.

Man..

I got arrested yesterday. I've never been arrested before. It was interesting. The process was definitely reminiscent of military procedure, right down to the random arrogant pricks that stand out, just screaming 'I hate myself, so you will hate me too'. Funny thing was that the most heinous of the bunch I was witness to, were the females. I'm sure there's reasons why you get put into booking and not housing. I ended up spending more than 7 hours in the holding area, not too bad of a place to be. Overripe apples and underripe oranges were provided along with sandwiches, I stuck to the fruit, in an effort to avoid any prepared food. I was allowed access to my cell phone one time, I only retrieved one number, Moms. After finding out that calls to a different area code weren't allowed, I called a Bond company. The seedy crook wanted 15% of the bail, I agreed to my first case of rape and they took my credit card number. I called back sometime around 3, to my delight the agent was irritated, my bail had already been posted. I graciously apologized. Okay, bail is posted, time to get out. No, why not, because the head prick has the paperwork on his desk for releases and has decided to let them marinate on his desk. Four and a half hours passed before my family showed up to jail and started asking questions. Within 15 minutes of them showing up, I was out. But when I asked about it on the inside, both times I was told that there was a lot of paperwork and other releases and so on so goes forth the bullshit. Oh yah, what did I get arrested for? I took my Mtn. bike from my marital residence by means of a rope over the fence. Expensive Mtn. Bike outside the garage + Estranged wife + Restraining order + Retrieval of bike = Jail

Today...

Today was a fun day. Slept well, cleaned up a bit, then headed to the dog park. I tried to get Hunter to take a short nap. It didn't happen. I'm about 93.6% sure that he didn't get a nap today before he came over at 3. He was excited to say 'Hi' to me when he showed up, but once he walked inside and put his new backpack down. He was apparently out of energy, and uninterested in much of anything. So we laid down. Well I laid down. Hunter decided it was time to play. After a few minutes though, he realized I was trying to to calm him down. He rebelled against my intentions. I should have known an attempt at a nap that late would be pointless. Then G was at the dog park. So at the mention of the dogpark, he was ready to go. The weather wasn't too bad, atleast it was warmer today. I've been nagging G to get Chango out there, he did really well for his first time. Booch picked on him at first, which bothered me, but by time we left they were buddies, playing nice, and they wouldn't leave each other alone.

The search for balance

Since the last blog, I gave up my armed shifts. I have to prove my compliance with the courts, which now includes a cut in pay. Granted, not all my shifts are armed, it's still a cut.

I went out Thurs nite, a first for this year. It was a little crazy, I don't think I was the only one who felt like an oldy. Next time I might suggest a game night, to accomodate the early-wakers. Man, do I sound lame.

It's 6:30 in the morning. Friday's are so long. I got to help someone out today, I like to help.

I loathe foreseen stress. Some things could be so much easier without the interference of self-righteousness.

I wondered about a view of religion during this shift. The idea that religion is a crutch, a tool for those with weak minds. I believe this can be true. I believe faith can be a source of strength, but weak or strong minded, everyone finds support and strength in outside sources. Saying that someone who has faith is weakminded, is an opposition to 'strength in belief'. If something enables strength of mind, then does it matter what the cause or more so the outcome? The passion of anti-religious folk intrigues me. The Church of Anti-Faith.

I should maybe try and get more followers for my blog if I'm gonna keep this thing up. This is good diary-style therapy and all, but now that the assignment is over...

Stress Management...

I've been doing pretty well with the subject title recently considering the issues that I've been dealing with in the last three months. Today my stress was apparent to the guard I was relieving at today's post. I opened up with him and explained a little of my situation.

Now that I've explained my situation to G, I feel less reserved about my issues as well. I explained to my co-worker that I was served with a restraining order and divorce papers at the same time at the beginning of the year. I explained that because I'm an armed guard my lawyer put in for a stipulation, approved by my estranged wife, allowing me to possess a firearm for work purposes. Typically once a restraining order is in effect, even if there was no arrest, no abuse, no threats, the adverse party is not allowed to possess a firearm or ammunition. Until yesterday evening, I was under the impression that I was good to go. Then I sgot an e-mail from my lawyer, the judge wants to have a hearing with my employer present. The stress kicked in this morning, I have to work, I have to make that paper, but because my super cool estranged wife wanted me out of the house really really bad, I have to deal with issues like this. Thats all I have to say about that.

Time is the master

Lately I've felt like my sense of time is lost. Right now I'm in my 10th hour of work and it's 5:30 in the morning. This shift is long and uneventful. After I wake up tomarrow, the day will fly past me. No doubt, It will be time to go to bed and I will feel as though I still need to do something else. I've been feeling as though some responsibility has not been met. There are unresolved issues in my life right now, and they cloud my brain. If they didn't, then I would have some kind of problem. I have Faith, that balance will come. . . . . ....... I need to get ahead in my online class. .. Worked on that some tonite. ... . Need to reduce pork barrel spending. . . . These are birds among the clouds, that fog my skull.

There's things I want for myself. I always try to keep the concept of Karma in mind (minus any spiritual connotation) and a strong conscience makes that easy to do. Part of the problem I see with views on The church, is preconceptions towards moral indemnification. A pre-disposition is set that anyone from outside whatever set of beliefs is below par out of the gate. At man's fault this happens, and the indemnification should come from within, not out of pressure. Back on track though(and back from patrol), I try to keep the 'do unto others' mindset. Today will be a follow through.

Almost 7 now. I wonder if it's possible to get dizzy from the earth's rotation. I'm ready for today. I wish I could not nap, without feeling like a piece of poo later. I think I've only done it one other time, I don't remember what it was that kept me from napping, it had to have been something good though. I didn't periodically doze off today, for 10 minutes at a time as I usually do. The third wind is in effect. For full effect, I'm gonna have to eat a good breakfast, run and then bathe. I think I just convinced myself. Hell, I drag ass after the naps for a good hour or more anyway. I need papertowels, and cheese, and a new dog leash, and tortillas.

Cleaning and Parenting

I had a fun day today. Thursday's I pick up Hunter at 715 in the morn, and we get to spend the whole day together. Then I drop him off in the morning before work. Today we started off with some good breakfast, supplemental for him. His mom gives him poptarts or cold cereal or oatmeal, with not much deviation. So even though hes had something, he always wants some breakfast burrito that Dada makes. After some grub and puppy hijinx, a trike ride was in order. Hunter is very adamant about his bike rides. I know he rides his bike a lot at mommys, and he doesnt go more than two hours without desiring a bike ride at my place. We went a ways this morning, and even though we went so far that he started asking to go back to the house, once we got there, he sat on the trike for a minute and wanted to ride more. I reminded him that he was tired, and we went inside. Not too long after we laid down for a nap. I love naps, and taking a nap with a toddler is the best. They'll cry if you tell them they have to take a nap and make them lay down. If you lay down with them, they think its fun. If Dada is tired, Hunter is tired. Waking up is probly the best part, I always tend to wake up before him and just lay there til he wakes up. When he does wake up though, he's ready to go, no laying around. Once he's up, all I hear is 'git up Dada' until my derby weary bag of bones gets up to play. After some lunch and an attempt at watching Dr.Doolittle, I started overhauling my fish tanks. Hunter helped, he was in charge of the gravel. That is making sure the dog stayed away from it, for some reason my dog was taking mouthfuls of it out of the bucket it was in. The tank venture took a few hours, much longer than it would have without a toddler assistant. A trip to the dogpark was our last activity of the day. Booch was his typical rowdy puppy self, he had a couple good rasslin' buddies tonite. The one that stood out though was a 8 month old english bulldog. The bull dog growled at first(they tend to have attitudes), but then decided it would be fun to play. I don't know what it was that triggered Booch, but he started getting vocal like I havnt heard before. He was playing a little rougher than normal, but growling at the same time. For the mostpart his roughhousing has been with bigger dogs and he doesn't growl and is easily submitted. I think he felt dominance with a dog more similiar to him in age and size(not heighth), hence the growling. They were both doing some growling, but more from Booch and it almost made me wanna break them up, which I've never had to do with any other dog, but I felt almost like he was being mean. The Bulldogs owner and I were talking though, and we were both in agreeance that they were both having fun and maybe just practicing being grownup dogs.